well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
