john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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