so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
