As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
