Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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