I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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