I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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