So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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