Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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