just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
