Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
