So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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