i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
