no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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