that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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