I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
