sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
