so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
