If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't notice because vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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