I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
