Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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