omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
