i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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