I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Houston, we have a squirter
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
