i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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