I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
