Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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