it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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