it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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