he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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