I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize