shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
