Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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