i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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