grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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