Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize