Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
