Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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