every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bring me that man meat
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
