I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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