Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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