I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
