what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
