I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
