rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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