I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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