AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize