Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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