The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize