Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
