yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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