pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
