Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
