woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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