i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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