so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
