every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
