Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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