I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
