Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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