Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
