After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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