last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
