I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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