if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
