So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
