just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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