So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I faked an abortion last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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