Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
