I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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