Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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