Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
